Friday, October 21, 2016

Suatu Sore

When you overheard the conversation between two men, and i think it's really rubbish. And i would literally think i need to write this on my blog

#sorandom

Suatu sore di Starbucks Cyber 2 - gedung dimana semua orang akhirnya nyasar, ketika tujuan utama nya adalah Cyber 1 Kuningan Barat


Thursday, October 13, 2016

Letter to Life

Dear Life, 

I wish could stop being what so called "baper" in Indonesian. Having overwhelmingly sensitive feeling. You know, wise man said, when you're easily angered, or being too sentimental means you're off balance with yourself. Well, maybe i am. It's just lately i'm not able to face people with their action, or even tolerate the smallest part of sarcasm and stupidity. I just can't. It's way too hard. I want to be alone.

Actually, i do know my source of problem is not accepting the reality i had right now. Which is everything change at workplace. I want them the way it used to be. But, it's impossible and i can not even change my mindset to accept something, and search happiness from that. And in the other side, i can not quit this job, because i have to pay the bills (that's what adult do) and i have to work for that. 

But, every single day, everything was being grey. Darker. And, i can not face this changes. I dont know how. And, i think i lose my mentality (not that i become crazy and have to be put in assylum) it's just i need a getaway, but then i know it's not a solution. Because it's just way to drift something apart for a while, and soon it will be hitting you again. HARDER. no. i won't take that option.

So every morning, my thought was like can i wake up a little late? Can i have some coffee and wander and do my favorite stuff - like watch TV, you tube channel or even laughing at stupid stuff with my child? or even do not think or rush about anything? You know? i'm tired of this rushing around life. And sometimes i wander, Life. I do wander, does it have to be like this to be successful? is it what it takes when you sign up agreement to be an adult? is it what it's like to be a grown up? Is this why Peterpan doesn't want to grow up? I don't know. I don't.

And the other question is, can i be just like some people who does their favorite stuff and get money from that? Without having to have this overwhelmingly sensitive feeling about almost anything (which are mostly unimportant and rubbish). Is that kind of life exist? I don't know but i wish i can be that one people :) It must have been very happy, tho.

It's not that i'm not thankful for life has given to me right now. It's just i can not face the situation and feeling pressed from all over the sides, and not even knowing what i want from this.

Oh Life. You are bitter sweet. it's just now i'm biting the bitter more than the sweet.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

(di) jebak hujan Rabu malam

Di tengah deraan kerjaan yang lagi super panas bagaikan salah satu menu di dalam restoran cepat saji terkenal di Indonesia, hobi baru gw adalah mengeluh. Mengeluh dan curhat. Dan kemudian mengeluh lagi. Gak positif banget ya? Emang. Bahkan kadang orang-orang di sekitar gw pun ikut mendengarkan keluhan gw ini. Ya, emang sih gw lagi playing victim  di sini. Sebenernya gw pun gak suka keadaan ini dan pengen segera berubah. Dan  menurut pepatah (yang gw gak tau pepatah nya siapa) if you can not change the situation, then change the way you thinking, or how you react to the situation. I'm trying, tho. But, it's kinda hard ya :(  

Lah terooossss, apa hubungannya sama terjebak hujan semalam cobaaa?? Jadi, emang ada hikmahnya Allah menempatkan gw di situasi semalam, karenaaaaa ..... adalah seseorang yang gw kenal cukup dekat, mendengarkan keluhan gw sembari terjebak hujan semalam, dan akhirnya merespon curhatan gw dengan mengatakan hal-hal yang menurut gw agak DALEM. 

Lo harus bersyukur, jangan manja, kapan majunya kalo lo cuma under atasan lo (yang adalah best friend gw - well, part ini gw kurang setuju sih.. karena menurut gw, best friend bisa juga jadi good leader), terus satu lagi adalah this is time for you to grow out of your comfort zone. Well, that last one hit me right in the spot. 

Maybe God put me in this situation so i can grow up and stretch. Sebenernya capek juga sih negatif. Semacam gak berterimakasih dan menyebarkan aura negatif gitu ya. Kok gak capek ya gw begini mulu? Hmmm.. gak janji gw bakal berubah 100% becoming so very possitive people sih, cuma mungkin i need some space away from work (even i know, holiday won't make me feel better, unless i'm thinking otherwise) or find some fine tuning in this situation. I don't know. But, i will try.

From Sunday-Tuesday, i will be leaving for Bali for business trip, but it doesn't feel right because i will be 3 days away from Kinanti, and i don't like it. But Momma have to grow up and be an adult, that's why.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

if i can, i'd love to ..

This past few days, i've learned something, that i wish i could share in a proper words. I'd like to but it's unexplainable.
  • All i know was, patience is virtue. And it's applied in every single thing that you do
  • Don't let society, some people, person who has higher level than you, defines who you are, because i've just felt it couple days ago. And it wasn't a good experience. You are what you do, not what people thinks you are
 Let's see how August rolls. I wish it will be rolled out properly and nice.
Amin.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Streamline

Then .. you are now at the moment, where you know, you no longer have the strength to change something. And, all you have to do is take a deep breath, and see where life going to bring you.

Now, isn't the right time to fight back and demanding on what's not certain. Maybe it's time to just face the reality and let yourself loose for whatever happens.

Just follow the stream, but still, keep swimming.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Cheesy Love Song

These past two days, i've been head over heels with Teza Sumendra (cover) song Hotline Bling by Drake. Since i (accidentally) watch his live performance on Kuningan City last Sunday. My opinion was, it's a better version of Drake, far much better. And i can't stop listening to this song for 2 days non stop. It's lebay but i like it.

It makes your mind & heart dance. And body too, of course :)
Here i attached, if you want to dance too!



Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Rasanya lama betul ..

Minggu ini rasanya berjalan lambat banget .. mungkin karena saya menunggu THR. Susah memang kalau jadi budak korporasi yang ketergantungan dengan gaji. #sekian

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Wander

There comes a day when you just want to cuddle in your blanket and refuse to do some activities. When you just want to listen to your comfort songs and reminiscing the day you were young and all these (not all, tho) responsibilities is a million miles away.

And, that's the day even when your coffee needs coffee.

Being left in wander, and insecurities isn't quite a good mix.And i don't feel okay with that.

Well, wise man said, this too, shall pass.

Monday, May 23, 2016

lemme pause..

Sometimes, during the day (or mostly) i love imagine being in someone else's life. And, it's suddenly re-energize me. Weird. But i enjoyed it anyway.

#random

Friday, March 11, 2016

Penting gak Penting!

Nah, karena sekarang gw udah gak half day friday lagi (walaupun tetap masih di perusahaan yang sama - cuma jam kerja aja yang berubah) mari kita produktif 15 menit (browsing dan update blog) saja di sela-sela kesibukan yang mendera. Cieee gw #apasik

Sebenernya topik ini sudah lama ingin gw tuangkan di dalam blog gw yang isinya lebih mirip diary pribadi dan mungkin kurang menginspirasi. Yaudahlahya. 

Jadi gini, sebagai manusia yang beradab, kita kan harus bekerja, bersosialisasi, dan melakukan kegiatan layaknya manusia lain kan yaa. Nah pernah gak lo menemukan spesies manusia yang (menurut lo) nyebelin banget, dan lo sampe gak percaya manusia ini eksis di muka bumi ini? atau, menemukan manusia yang gak nyebelin banget, tapi tetep aja lo males ada di deket dia, simply because he/she is annoying. Gw sih pernah. Sering malah. Dulu waktu gw belom punya anak, biasanya gw mencaci maki orang kayak gitu entah langsung atau dalam hati. Misalnya; dia nyelak antrian, terus gw berantem sama tuh orang. Atau orang itu taking credit atas kerjaan gw, jadinya gw ngomel-ngomel gak jelas. Tapiii .. semenjak gw punya anak. Jujur gw jadi kasian sama orang-orang yang gak punya manner atau orang yang nyebelin kayak gitu (dengan banyak contoh kasus yang gak mungkin gw sebutkan satu-satu).

Loh terus apa hubungannya dengan udah punya anak cobaaaa? Menurut gw (lagi-lagi opini pribadi, ya iyalah ini kan blog gw). Gw suka tiba-tiba kepikiran, gimana kalau ternyata anak gw yang kayak gitu? gimana kalau ternyata anak gw yang disebelin sama banyak orang kayak gitu? Gimana kalau gw ternyata udah mengajarkan anak gw kebenaran, tapi ternyata dia tetep annoying di society? :( Atau dia dikucilkan, gak diajak ngomong, ih kasian banget kan ... dan gw percaya karma (or sort of things like that), jadi what i do is akhirnya gw ngediemin, atau gw ajak ngomong aja, let's talk and get things right sebisa mungkin, atau melakukan anything yang meluruskan dibanding marah-marah atau gimana. Jadi sekarang, jujur gw agak suka "memilih-milih" dan mikir kalau mau kesel sama orang, karena cuma takut kalau di masa depan (amit-amit) anak-anak gw juga digituin orang lain. 

Emang bener ya, pas udah jadi orang tua, bakal bikin kita (atau cuma gw doang?) banyak mikir untuk hal-hal yang bahkan sebelum ini, gak pernah terlintas di pikiran gw. Asli deh. Sumpah ini gak penting banget tapi asli bikin kepikiran. 

Monday, February 22, 2016

Motherhood is (trully) a battlefield

Did i post this before?

No ba bi bu in this post, let's come to make some point.

Walaupun gw terhitung belum lama menjadi seorang ibu (umur Kinanti sekarang 1th 3bln), gw pengen banget cerita soal "masalah" yang gw alami selama menjadi seorang ibu.

Gw pernah denger kalau seorang perempuan itu harusnya empowering alias mendukung alias menguatkan satu sama lain. Walaupun, pada akhirnya, sometimes, we even compete to be the prettiest, the best, the smartest, the most -est, in every thing. Tapi, dalam hal ini (motherhood alias dunia ibu-ibu) semuanya jadi lain.

Langsung aja ya cuss, contoh kasus :

1. Sodara jauh kita nengok saat kita lahiran, dan udah gitu, pertanyaan nya adalah : ASI nya lancar? ASI kan? gak sufor kan? Duh, baru lahir udah pake diapers sekali pake? Itu gendongnya jangan gitu dooong .. bahaya.. sini diajarin, duh maklum ya masih ibu baru.

2. Temen kita nanyain keadaan anak kita, tapi sebenernya intinya pengen ngasitau kalo ajaran dia lebih baik dan ngebandingin keadaan anak kita sama anaknya dia. "anak lo belom jalan? latihan dong - anak gw sih udah bisa"; "loh, makannya masih bubur alus, anak gw sih udah nasi kayak orang dewasa gitu" ; "eh jangan dibiasain ngemil makanan anu lho, nanti kenapa-kenapa lagi"; "kok kayaknya anak lo kurus sih, makannya susah ya?"

3. Soal ibu bekerja vs stay at home mom. Soal sufor vs asi. Soal pospak vs clodi. Lahiran normal vs cesar. And the list goes on .. :(

DOOOOHHH.
Gw paham ini sebenernya maksudnya baik.
Tapi, please, gw rasa ada cara yang lebih baik untuk injecting thoughts about it.
Gw paling stress kalo ada orang-orang yang bersikap begitu sama gw. Sampe pada akhirnya, saking takutnya gw di judge lewat berat badan, kemampuan, atau apapun mengenai anak gw, gw menghindar untuk ketemu dan memilih untuk diem. Karena kalo misalnya dilawan pun ga mungkin kan :(

Dan pada akhirnya, gw seorang ibu anak satu, yang anaknya berat badannya kurang dari 10kg, minum SUFOR dari usia 5.5 bulan, belom bisa jalan di umur 1th 3bln, dan masih makan bubur tim, menyadari bahwa, kalau motherhood itu kejam. Teman atau sodara bisa berubah jadi judges. There's no such thing as empowering other women. Gak ada lagi tempat aman di dunia ini, karena apapun yang lo lakukan akan selalu dijudge terang-terangan. Bahkan mau curhat ama temen pun takut, karena takut dijudge juga Kakk!! :( Takut ngerasa jadi ibu gagal.

Dan akhirnya, google dan grup ibu-ibu menjadi tempat gw cari tau informasi soal makanan & perkembangan anak. Karena kita bisa jadi silent reader tanpa harus takut ketauan soal perkembangan anak kita. Which is actually not supposed to be like that.

In the end, i talked to myself, that i don't wanna be such mother or person. It's as simple as respecting other person with their own choices, because there will always be stories behind that. No no, ini bukan pembenaran atas semua pilihan yang gw lakukan. Tapi memang ada alasan di balik itu semua. I know, judgement won't stop. But, i think, we can start from ourselves to think, that motherhood isn't supposed to be like this. It supposed to be judgement free and literally help other women. So there will be no women who will feel like "ibu gagal" hanya karena soal berat badan anaknya kurang. And in the end, i think we should manage the tone & manner to talk to other women when it comes to motherhood :) 



Thursday, February 11, 2016

Humanizing Human

More human, less robot.

Lemme' update to you, that my maid is leaving me (all of sudden) and it broke my heart totally :( i feel so sad - reminiscing to old days when i had heartbroken moments, those feelings kind of the same. Seriously, no joke. But, as a grown up adolescence, i am just gonna face it like a grown up should be :(

Enough of that.
Just want to share some stories, that actually makes us more human in workplace.
Sometimes, when we work or surrounded by workload, we are very stressed, tensed, and you name it lah. And, sometimes we (or me) forget what it's like to be a human.
We are going mad, being bit snob, and i don't think it's good to be named. And i think, we need to have sometimes (beside lunch break) that makes us realize that working doesn't always have to be very tensed. Just like today, i had conversation with someone, i never chat with, about her lipstick. I admire the colour and i said it directly to her, and it end up like we talked about women has never had enough of make up. Which like totally true. And it makes me happy. And i encourage her to use red lipstick on friday! haha let's see about that.

Sometimes, it takes one or two steps out of the box and being human again.
and i think, i will always remind my self how to be human at work.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

kind (of) tired :(

Lately, i was really tired, and feel like laid back.
But, being not present in office for 2 days, and suddenly today made a comeback, and receiving more or less 50 emails, which was mostly request, make me behaving badly (and, i dont like it honestly).

James Ingram and Michael Bolton might save me from this pretentious mood, hopefully.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Pe-nga-la-man

Ceritanya lagi bijak.
Gak tau kenapa. Efek abis taun baru kali :)

Kadang kalau lagi cuci piring, dengerin orang ngomong di meeting, nemenin Kinanti bobok, suka kepikiran sendiri. Pengalaman tuh penting - dalam hal apapun.
Kayak gini contoh kasusnya ; Sepinter apapun lo, segede apapun IPK, atau setajir apapun lo, pengalaman will always teach you better. You will be smart by experience, you will be more patience by experience, or you will be more wise because of experience. Makanya bener dulu bokap gw ngomong, kalo pengalaman itu gak bisa dibeli dengan uang.

Lo ga belajar sabar, kayak 1+1 sama dengan dua. But you learn it by accident, by pressure, by how your surroundings treat you, and that is how Pengalaman works.  Gw pernah posting quote di film Bruce Almighty, bahwa kalo lo berharap sama Tuhan untuk bisa jadi manusia yang lebih sabar, lo gak akan dikasih kesabaran, seperti dikasih kado dari langit. But you earn it. By what? by experience. Tuhan akan memberi lo cobaan sekian banyak dan rupa, dan at the end, God will eventually score you, apakah lo jadi lebih sabar atau gak. Atau minimal lo udah latihan kesabaran lah. Gitu sih kira-kira.

Atau, contoh lainnya, ketika lo berharap naik pangkat, you have to learn everything from scratch by doing or watching, or both. You can't be just like sit and dream and then you become what you want. Makanya pengalaman itu penting ditaro di CV. Walaupun gak ada jaminannya pengalaman yang lebih sedikit bikin orang lebih bodoh/pinter dari orang lainnya. Tapi pengalaman will truly define who you are, and what's your capability.

Ya kira-kira gitu lah sekelumit kisah bijak di Senin sore ini.
Udah dulu ya, kerja lagi.