Monday, February 22, 2016

Motherhood is (trully) a battlefield

Did i post this before?

No ba bi bu in this post, let's come to make some point.

Walaupun gw terhitung belum lama menjadi seorang ibu (umur Kinanti sekarang 1th 3bln), gw pengen banget cerita soal "masalah" yang gw alami selama menjadi seorang ibu.

Gw pernah denger kalau seorang perempuan itu harusnya empowering alias mendukung alias menguatkan satu sama lain. Walaupun, pada akhirnya, sometimes, we even compete to be the prettiest, the best, the smartest, the most -est, in every thing. Tapi, dalam hal ini (motherhood alias dunia ibu-ibu) semuanya jadi lain.

Langsung aja ya cuss, contoh kasus :

1. Sodara jauh kita nengok saat kita lahiran, dan udah gitu, pertanyaan nya adalah : ASI nya lancar? ASI kan? gak sufor kan? Duh, baru lahir udah pake diapers sekali pake? Itu gendongnya jangan gitu dooong .. bahaya.. sini diajarin, duh maklum ya masih ibu baru.

2. Temen kita nanyain keadaan anak kita, tapi sebenernya intinya pengen ngasitau kalo ajaran dia lebih baik dan ngebandingin keadaan anak kita sama anaknya dia. "anak lo belom jalan? latihan dong - anak gw sih udah bisa"; "loh, makannya masih bubur alus, anak gw sih udah nasi kayak orang dewasa gitu" ; "eh jangan dibiasain ngemil makanan anu lho, nanti kenapa-kenapa lagi"; "kok kayaknya anak lo kurus sih, makannya susah ya?"

3. Soal ibu bekerja vs stay at home mom. Soal sufor vs asi. Soal pospak vs clodi. Lahiran normal vs cesar. And the list goes on .. :(

DOOOOHHH.
Gw paham ini sebenernya maksudnya baik.
Tapi, please, gw rasa ada cara yang lebih baik untuk injecting thoughts about it.
Gw paling stress kalo ada orang-orang yang bersikap begitu sama gw. Sampe pada akhirnya, saking takutnya gw di judge lewat berat badan, kemampuan, atau apapun mengenai anak gw, gw menghindar untuk ketemu dan memilih untuk diem. Karena kalo misalnya dilawan pun ga mungkin kan :(

Dan pada akhirnya, gw seorang ibu anak satu, yang anaknya berat badannya kurang dari 10kg, minum SUFOR dari usia 5.5 bulan, belom bisa jalan di umur 1th 3bln, dan masih makan bubur tim, menyadari bahwa, kalau motherhood itu kejam. Teman atau sodara bisa berubah jadi judges. There's no such thing as empowering other women. Gak ada lagi tempat aman di dunia ini, karena apapun yang lo lakukan akan selalu dijudge terang-terangan. Bahkan mau curhat ama temen pun takut, karena takut dijudge juga Kakk!! :( Takut ngerasa jadi ibu gagal.

Dan akhirnya, google dan grup ibu-ibu menjadi tempat gw cari tau informasi soal makanan & perkembangan anak. Karena kita bisa jadi silent reader tanpa harus takut ketauan soal perkembangan anak kita. Which is actually not supposed to be like that.

In the end, i talked to myself, that i don't wanna be such mother or person. It's as simple as respecting other person with their own choices, because there will always be stories behind that. No no, ini bukan pembenaran atas semua pilihan yang gw lakukan. Tapi memang ada alasan di balik itu semua. I know, judgement won't stop. But, i think, we can start from ourselves to think, that motherhood isn't supposed to be like this. It supposed to be judgement free and literally help other women. So there will be no women who will feel like "ibu gagal" hanya karena soal berat badan anaknya kurang. And in the end, i think we should manage the tone & manner to talk to other women when it comes to motherhood :) 



Thursday, February 11, 2016

Humanizing Human

More human, less robot.

Lemme' update to you, that my maid is leaving me (all of sudden) and it broke my heart totally :( i feel so sad - reminiscing to old days when i had heartbroken moments, those feelings kind of the same. Seriously, no joke. But, as a grown up adolescence, i am just gonna face it like a grown up should be :(

Enough of that.
Just want to share some stories, that actually makes us more human in workplace.
Sometimes, when we work or surrounded by workload, we are very stressed, tensed, and you name it lah. And, sometimes we (or me) forget what it's like to be a human.
We are going mad, being bit snob, and i don't think it's good to be named. And i think, we need to have sometimes (beside lunch break) that makes us realize that working doesn't always have to be very tensed. Just like today, i had conversation with someone, i never chat with, about her lipstick. I admire the colour and i said it directly to her, and it end up like we talked about women has never had enough of make up. Which like totally true. And it makes me happy. And i encourage her to use red lipstick on friday! haha let's see about that.

Sometimes, it takes one or two steps out of the box and being human again.
and i think, i will always remind my self how to be human at work.