Thursday, October 20, 2011

i hope you read this

Another day of confusion.
i know it's been a really boring topic like over and over again, i wrote about this.
But this thing is kinda get me.
Let me tell you something.

Dear you, my past, (you know who you are)

You and i know we already broke up "for real" right now. I was asking you whether you can still open your heart, for the sake of love, to try again, together. But, you said, you cant. At the last time we met, you said, don't hope. Especially hoping for you to come back. you said, "i am not the one you can count on."

Did you remember ? Last monday, when i was having my hard day, (you know what i mean) i called you and i said i missed you, even i knew we're not together anymore. And i asked, whether you already move on with someone else, because you never called me again. Maybe i was wrong asking that to you, because i know i means "nothing" anymore for you. But, i dont know why, i felt it. Then, u said to me, you feel pressured because i asked that to you, and words you said : "your jealousy is nothing to do with me right now, so just face it yourself. you know we're broke up already, dont treat me like i was your  boyfriend right now" then you shut the phone off.

At that night, i cried. i felt so terribly bad and hurt. Especially because, i know, reality slapped me lots of times, but i just wont confess that we're not together anymore. That time, it hit me. So hard. I felt so shame of myself for asking and begging. I felt so bad because i was being dependent and whiny. I felt so bad because i was weak.

The morning after, i realized that this can't go on like this. I am your ex, with so much love hanging in my heart, and you are my ex, with the willingness to be set free. Now, i give you that. I will set you free. I won't beg no more. Because, this is what you want. I am gonna face it myself, as you previously wished that Monday night. So, because i already give you what you want, why wont you go? why you still apologizing, why you still call? why you still text me? why you still try to catch some attention? why dont you just go?
If you wish that we can still meet and have a nice "after-breakup-relationship", i can't. yet. Maybe in the future, but it's just not now. When the love is still linger on my heart and when my body covered with thoughts of you. If you can't take me back, just let me go. Don't let me hanging in your string. Because it hurts this bad.

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